Is it too late to become who I am not? I am sorry i dont know what i want to be. My manifesto of 20060923 I have taken to heart. I have been hurting for too long and I cant take it any more. I cannot take anymore guilt, shame, grief. I have tried dying but i have only been succesful with that on the inside. I havent been able to finish death because of fear. Fear also keeps me from living. I dont want to be stuck in this storm anymore, with the water always rising. Damn if i could just sink or swim. Just give me liberty or give me death. I want purpose or a ball peen hammer to the skull. I want passion or a long walk off a short pier. I want ambition or an cruel twist of fate. I want courage or I just want it all to end. I am tired of hating myself.


100 Valium

Ok I have writtten everyone letters given no apologies. If anyone asks why i did it it really comes down to this. I AM SAD. I am really really sad. There is really no way most people can imagine how this feels unless they have tried or been close to trying. My decision will cause grief and loss. And it will cause joy and love as they remember. But, most important it will bring everyone closure and and relief from the symptoms my ills have caused us all. Eventually they will forget most of the details remembering the few things they chose to hold onto. What those things are will vary from person to person. i bet everyone will agree that i am no longer sad. good bye. remember its not you its me =)


God knows you're lonely souls
God knows you're lonely souls
God knows you're lonely souls
Yeah, yeah
I believe there's a time and a place
To let your mind drift and get out of this place
I believe there's a day and a place
That we will go to, and I know you wanna share.
There's no secret to living There's no secret to livin
Just keep on walking
There's no secret to dying There's no secret to dying
Just keep on flying.
I'm gonna die in a place that don't know my name
I'm gonna die in a space that don't hold my fame.
God knows you're lonely souls
God knows you're lonely souls.
I believe there's a time when the cord of life
Should be cut, my friends Cut the cord, my friend
I believe there's a time when the cord can be cut
And this vision ends Let this vision end.
But I'm gonna die in a place that don't know my name
And I'm gonna cry in a space that don't hold my fame.
Walking in the cold
Just keep on flying
There'll be a searchlight
On the mountain high
God knows you're lonely souls
God knows you're lonely souls
God knows you're lonely souls
God knows you're lonely souls
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I'm a lonely soul.
I'm gonna die in a place that don't know my name
I'm gonna die in a place that don't know my name.
God knows you are lonely souls
Lonely souls
Lonely souls
Lonely souls
I'm a lonely soul.
So long, little chapel
Pack up your light
Pack up your light
Say goodbye to the holy water life


In a time of secret wooing
Today prepares tomorrows ruin
Left knows not what right is doing
My heart is torn asunder.

In a time of furtive sighs
Sweet hellos and sad goodbyes
Half-truths told and entire lies
My conscience echoes thunder

In a time when kingdoms come
Joy is brief as summer's fun
Happiness it's race has run
Then pain stalks in to plunder.


Lately I have been having a pronouced despair. Much greater is it now than anyother time in my life. We all know the experience of despair. It is utterly common to the human condition, and the sin is not in feeling it, but in giving up in the face of it. There *is*, of course, a certain reward that comes to those who _do_ give in to despair, but it is a bitter peace, and it is characterized by the kind of eagerness for death that culminates in suicide. Acceptance of death, of course, is a fundamental spiritual milestone, but I do not believe at present that total negation of hope is the correct route thereunto. Despair overwhelms us, in the sense that we feel powerless or hopeless before it. That, indeed, is the essence of despair--the obliteration of hope beneath a crushing wave of guilt, sadness, and anxiety. These emotions are the triple threat of depression: The afflicted person is guilty about the past, sad about the present, and anxious about the future. All three temporal faculties--memory, perception, and imagination--are colored by darkness. I am finding that the greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. .Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity. Is love supposed to last throughout all time, or is it like trains changing at random stops. If I loved her, how could I have left her? If I felt that way then, how come I feel like I do now? I wondered if our relationship had consisted of passion, keeping us fully in the present, so that time became a series of mutually exclusive 'nows.' It is with our passions, as it is with fire and water, they are good servants but bad masters. I felt she removed the greatest blessing of our friendship, taking away from it her respectfulness. I made excuses for her actions, or blamed her for them. I tried to rembember that when dealing with people we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.It was precisely the right consideration, unfortunatley I was considering the wrong person. I have wasted a lot of time running after answers I could have caught by just standing still and looking at myself. There I find all the reasons "why", that I have been searching for. I am not now nor have I ever really cultivated the virtues one must to command respect. I am the person I always thought I have been unfairly treated as. I bring to the table a lack of goals or dreams. I am a stranger to ambition and purpose. I have learned I can see a lot by just looking. The broken man who returns my empty stare while standing in front of the mirrror has always known. It requires a great deal of faith for a man to be cured by his own placebos. I've stopped taking mine. I realize that things are entirely what they appear to be and behind them... there is nothing. One does what one is; one becomes what one does. This cannot be avoided. Thus I know now I will not ever feel love again. I try to forget how good it felt. However nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. The irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. I have one intimate confidant. My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known -- no wonder, then, that I return the love. Depression appears to have the effect of stopping a person in their tracks and forcing them to turn inwards and engage in a period of self reflection; it is a deeply introspective state. During this period, which can last anything from days to years, I find I must find a new way to interpret my thoughts and feelings and reassess the extent to which my appraisal of my reality is a valid one.


Theres a monster inside of me
A great big monster inside of me
feeding and sething you cant see
just barely contained inside of me

He was born a long time ago
wouldnt take long for him to grow
It was late in 1973
birthday of the monster whom resides in me

This great big monster inside of me
he started out small and never stopped growing
feasting and eating until he was 100 feet tall
he has gotten so big now I feel small

Theres a monster inside of me
deep deep down inside of me
he feeds on hopes and dreams
my confidence, my esteem, and other important things

This hungry monster inside of me
hes already eaten everything that he can see
He is trying to burst out of me
oh god oh no that is so scary

This great big monster inside of me
this very very very very scary monster inside of me
I am getting afraid you see
I cant tell what is the monster and what is me



I dont have anyone who I can turn to.My heart nearly runeth over. Barely holding it in I struggle to find someones confidence as a place to let it spill. People I have most recently considered my friends are just thieves ready to let me pour out my heart. So that they may be more easily able to pocket little peices of my soul and go around showing them off as souviners or trophys of a place I let very few see. Once I let someone in, I have not figured out how to...

hurt myself again

please beautiful would you help me?

help me.


Where has my love gone
how can I go on?
It seems dear love has gone away

Where is my spirit?
I'm nowhere near it
Oh yes, my love has gone astray

But I blame it on the Sun
the sun that didnt shine
I blame it on the wind and the trees
I blame it on the time
there never was enough
I blame it on the tide and the sea
but my heart blames it on me

Who poured the love out?
What made this bitter doubt?
Is peace not here for me to see?

Wish I could tell you
What I am feeling
But words don't come for me to speak

Oh but I blame it on the sun
I didn't feel the sky
I blame it on the birds and the trees
I blame it on the day
that ended once too soon
I blame it on the ngihts that could not be

I blame it on the sun
the sun that didn't shine
I blame it on the wind and the trees
I blame it on the time
there never was enough
I blame it on the tide and the sea
but my heart blames it on me

------Emiliana Torellini




Idont know wher you are,what you are doing, who you are hanging out with, most importantly how you are doing. None of them are really any of my business. I wish that you are doing well and everything is going well. I get the feeling that you are not all ok. I am proud of you and your new job. I can hear your pride in it as well, that is a nice thing to hear. I also hear I think some apprehension. I dont know if you dont like it as much as you lead on, if you feel stuck in it because of your situation, or even if what I detect is anything at all. maybe everything is ok. It is ok if you dont like it as much as you thought you would or did at first. Its ok if you are unsure or scared because you have thiese new successes and everyone is SOO proud and the pressure not to screw it up is huge. Maybe it is not where you really want to be. Maybe you wan


a Dominant
can become bored,
and boring,

the ambers
are left to cool..............

Dont ever judge anyone according to their past, however it is important that you know about their past- its a compliment to their strength in character and what they have become or maybe in a way that they still may be struggling and as a friend you can help them out. Love demands perfection in the object of its love. However that perfection is not primarily achieved through the demands made upon the one who is loved but through the sacrafice of the one who loves. To love does not stop with who or what the "loved-one" is but seeks to produce in the one "loved" what he may become. When we approach our friends, family, significant others in this way, it becomes easy to forgive and move on in a way that will empower and avoid bitterness and resentment that accompanies betrayal.

"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven." -Johannes A. Gaertner

Most spiritual and psychological traditions speak of the importance of cultivating a sense of gratitude in life. If one is to evolve into higher realms of human existence and consistently experience joy, aliveness and meaning in one’s life. This is especially true here in America, where we are bombarded with the lure and illusory promise of material things from the moment we are born. Our entire consumer-oriented culture is based on convincing people that the real solution to their unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life is that they need something they do not yet have (and often really do not need), and then making them feel even worse if they can’t have it. But what inner qualities does this entire industry of induced consumption breed in us? Unfortunately, it has created a nation of greedy, envious, self-serving, worried, competitive people who tend to put more attention on what they don’t have then what they have, creating more craving, more desire, more emptiness, and more longing. Compare this attitude with that of the philosopher Epictetus, who said, "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." And this attitude of dissatisfaction exists in a country which has more material prosperity than any country in history. Just how fortunate are we in the United States? According to recent estimates by the United Nations, worldwide, about 24,000 people die every day from hunger or hunger-related causes; some 800 million people in the world suffer from hunger and malnutrition; and 1.6 billion people still live in absolute poverty. If one includes those living in "relative poverty", the poor population across the globe amounts to 3.3 billion, more than half of the entire world. In other words, over 50% of the population on Earth would be thrilled beyond belief to live at the standard of most Americans. And yet for so many of us, it’s still not enough. Which is where gratitude comes in. We need a major attitude shift if we are to create healthier relationships, more inner serenity, fulfillment and meaningful lives. Cicero once wrote, "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." Gratitude paves the way for a host of other very positive qualities to emerge. How we can cultivate more of this wonderful quality within ourselves and others? We can begin by writing down all things, both great and small, that we are grateful for in our life. Nothing is too small or insignificant to be included, because the scale of gratitude knows no bounds. You can be as grateful for the flower that bloomed today as for the home you live in, the health of your family, and the look in your dog’s eye when you come home. In terms of our relationships, we tend to take our lovers, significant others and friends for granted. There is no greater gift than to tell a loved one how much you appreciate their presence in your life. Countless times I have felt my resentment and anger melt away in the presence of sincere gratitude and appreciation. Call a friend or relative, or write a letter to let someone know what they mean to you, even if they are healthy and not in crisis. The consistent practice of expressing gratitude also reminds us that we do not live alone; we survive only because we are constantly receiving goods from people, from nature, and from spirit. Gratitude helps us to be more aware of the many things that we receive from other people, and realize that our lives depend on the perpetual giving of others, and we feel a deeper responsibility to give more of ourselves. Albert Einstein said, "A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depends on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the measure as I have received and am still receiving".

In closing, here's a wonderful quote by Melody Beattie:

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today,
and creates a vision for tomorrow."



One of the greatest joys and challenges of conscious, intimate relationships is that when we answer the call to love, we are invited to expand upon who we think we are, who we have been and what we feel and think we are capable of. We are invited by forces larger than ourselves to become a more complete, fuller, more loving human being. We are asked to participate in a process that is at once mysterious, exhilarating and terrifying.

When we answer this most compelling call, a part of us dives headlong into the fray, eager for the possibility of a deeper, more intimate connection than we have experienced before. During the early stages of being in love, our brains may secrete a powerful amphetamine-like neurotransmitter called phenylethylamine, bathing our central nervous system with an overdose of nature's most potent love cocktail. We are filled with ecstasy and vision and all our circuits are brilliantly lit up. In this heavenly state we are capable of extraordinary acts of unselfish love and caring that occur almost effortlessly.

When we return to earth, however, we are left with our vision of who we can be and the reality of who we think we are. The call to love is always to go deeper and farther than before and if we choose to answer the call, we will inevitably be confronted with a series of choices. One choice is to make a conscious decision of how committed we are to the truth. Have you been committed to truth in your previous relationships? If not, what was the consequence of not committing to truth? And now that youre in a new relationship, are you going to make a conscious commitment for the fullest, deepest, most honest connection you can or are you going to settle for less than that? How far do you want to try to go together?

Every time we act and speak from truth, we invite our partner to do the same. Our journey continues to expand and deepen. The equation is simple: Truth = Love = Deeper Connection = Expansion = Greater Opening to Spirit. But if commitment to truth brings such wonderful things to our lives, why is it so rare and so hard? Why are there so many lies, so many affairs, so much hurt and anger being acted out indirectly? Whenever we consider lying to ourselves or our partners, we generally do so to protect some part of ourselves which feels afraid or inadequate. We want to appear better than we are and a little white lie won't hurt anyway, we tell ourselves. It's not really a big deal. What they don't know won't hurt them. I believe it IS a big deal if you compromise and limit the vision of love that the two of you have been called to create. It IS a big deal if you damage the foundation of trust which underlies any successful partnership. It IS a big deal if you re-create patterns of secrets and hiding that you learned in your families of origin. It IS a big deal if you set a precedent of withholding or distorting the honest reality that you experience individually and together. Each time that we distort the truth, we constrict and limit our original call to love and restrict the depth of what we can become. We slip back into the cocoon of our limiting beliefs about ourselves and what we are capable of as human beings.

People often say things like, ''Well I'm afraid to tell her what I really feel... she might get angry with me'' or ''If he knew that I had done that, he'll hate me forever, so I can't tell him.'' At the core, it's always a fear that the truth will not set you free but will unleash a torrent of anger or rejection. But if your relationship cannot handle the truth, then what do you have anyway? If you and your partner are merely colluding with each other to stay in safe territory and avoid difficult issues, then you are settling for much less than what your call to love has invited you to experience.

Commitment to the truth can be uncomfortable and scary at times, but it is also the surest path to ongoing growth and deepening connection available to conscious relationship partners. I encourage everyone to make that commitment and pass it on through words and deeds to your children, your friends, your family, everyone you come in contact with. If you have struggled with this in the past, be honest about that. And take steps to understand why you might have been less than honest. What healing needs to take place within you so that you no longer need to hide or appear different than who you really are? And remember, the commitment to the truth is not a commitment to always talking about something negative! The truth can be how grateful you feel to be in this relationship or how wonderful it feels to be with someone who shares your vision of an intimate relationship.

We are all capable of greater acts of love and truth than we may believe. We are all capable of being more honest, more clear, more loving, more unselfish. By honoring the original vision that called us to love at this time, we can commit to the truth of what we are experiencing and commit to communicating it to our partners on a regular basis. That is the process that truly will set you and your partner free - to experience the deepest and highest connection possible.


all the words i had been practicing
grew tired of me early and wandered off
so many thoughts, but i never said a thing
wondering how this would all turn out.
now and then i am led to believe
that you hear me and you listen and you care
all these times i'm unwilling to see
you only keep me close when you are scared.
can you tell me how this all turns out -
will we let the season carelessly unspool?
i can tell you how it all turns out -
i will let myself go just like a fool.
now and then i am led to believe
that you hear me and you listen and you care
all these times i'm unwilling to see
you only keep me close when you are scared.
but time will have its way with you
and i might get it too
time will have its way with you
and that doesn't disagree with me.
time will have its way with you
and i might get it too
time will have its way with you
just like the faces in your stories
and all the loves that you have casually denied
just like your mother and your father
and all the tongues that you have tied
just like the tongues that you have tied.


can you see me see me seeme?

over here?

here? watching you?

more of your filthy lies filthy lies.

you see me watchin you watching me watching you
wheres this new you. the she with virtue.
never knew you wanted a man who told you who you could talk to. or was it you?
too busy working for your lovers to see your lovelys?
I thought the first job you got was

You are the same you havent changed
you cant hurt me much longer
I can hurt myself

the more i get to know you
it becomes apparent how
you really are.

sadder than me. and thats a pity.
i am a dissapointment a burden to myself my narcassisstic ramblings shitty poetry mixed up thoughts painful emotions plentiful failures are annoying me to my wits end goodbye cruel world see you on the flipside assholes i have tried to be a good person i havent really been one you chewed me up spit me out thanks ill stop trying goodbye dont cry i wont call anymore i am too good for all you bitches anyhow fuck you die I think i may.

hey little apple blossom
what seems to be the problem
all the ones you tell your troubles to
they don't really care for you

come and tell me what you're thinking
cause just when the boat is sinking
a little light is blinking
and i will come and rescue you

lots of girls walk around in tears
but that's not for you
you've been looking all around for years
for someone to tell your troubles to

come and sit with me and talk awhile
let me see your pretty little smile
put your troubles in a little pile
and i will sort them out for you
i'll fall in love with you
i think i'll marry you

-White Stripes


Sunshine warms so weakly
when i hurt so deeply
gaze into the sky i may
warmth wont come today
or tommorrow
or the next

summers over now
ill show her how
sinking lower now
i inhale deeply
white shards
numb the mind
poison thy soul

I wont hurt no
im going to a show
"this one will be
more fun than thr last one
youll see"
I say to me
numb the mind
pioson thy soul

meeting new people
new things to see
knock on a strangers door
curious? maybe
lets just hang out
this time i think
I feel lightheaded
was it those lines
or that drink

losing sight
my grip on reality
"just relax. dont fight it youll like it. just relax man
we wont do anything you dont want to do"
I cant talk
my clothes come off
I drift in and out
cant do anything to stop it

bang bang bang
bang bang bang
bang bang
numb the mind
poison thy soul

hazy memories
none i wish to be having
i deserved this
what do i expect
to be treated all of a sudden
with love and respect

no esteem
no ambition
no hope
from up above
its not meant to be
for me to feel loved
i know i can exceed
at one thing
i can give myself abuse
and pain
success at something
its hard to explain
numb the mind
poison the soul

late at night
bent over
tear filled vision
til its over
bang bang bang
til its over
numb the mind
poison the soul

no love
is better than not enough
unknown lovers
they are too rough
there are so many
starting to burn
please slow down
you all get a turn

inside and out
i can taste the shame
sticky retched cum
throat in pain
deny how it feels
it will make me stronger
i can take the pain
dont know for how much longer
numb the mind
poison the soul

ive lost 27 pounds
since the end-of-summer
did things i didnt think i would do
i truly hate my life
the struggle and the strife
disapointing you and you and you
this is nothing new
numb the mind
poison the soul

there is only one reason I am still here
another three letters spell the name
of my son
i wonder if he would forgive me
i cannot imagine he would
when i ask if he would be better off
i think maybe i should


I cant get a grip on why I love her so much. I love her smell. I love the way she moves. I love her laugh. I love her touch. I watching her dance. I love holding her when she cries. I love seeing her smile. I love the way my heart skips a beat when I hear her voice. She was my closest friend.

She says she cares. She however has not done much to show it for the last 2 years. She has lied to me. She has been decietful. She has been disrespectful. To her she has found something better and I am now obsolete. Truthfuly I think she has found someone better. At least there is a small comfort in her not leaving for one of those dregs she's found before. Although there is less comfort knowing that I am not that different from them.

This incredible burden of being. I am drowning in a pool of my own making.
I feel disposable. I dont know myself.

I have known for quite some time who she is. I lied to myself that she wouldnt do what she does. She isnt going to ever change for anybody. I dont think I really even know her. She is at whatever moment whomever she needs to be to fulfill whatever she is trying to acomplish. I dont know if there is a real she to know. I dont think she even knows herself. Or contrary she knows exactly who she is. Only sharing what she thought I would like, until that was no longer a concern.

I have found love twice in my life. It hasnt managed to find me. I gave it my all both times until I thought I might expire. I did my best to be true. I was honest when it came to matters of the heart. I was not good enough either time. I hate saying this but i will. I wish I could die. Sometimes I pray for a tragedy to take my life. I envy those whom have been fortunate enough to have had the ultimate misfortune. I cannot feel this way I have a son who I love so dearly. God I love you I. I hope you never feel like I do. I hope you never know I feel like I do. I wish I knew how to not let you down. I have been every moment of your existence. Like her you deserve better. Much much better.

She was right about 2 things. 1 I am a loser. And 2 thinking I was going to get my shit together and move forward was bullshit. I've come to the conclusion that
positive thinking is bullshit. I will always be me. She will always be she. People will always have a propensity for selfishness. Pure altruism is not an innate characteristic in the hearts of but a few very unlucky souls. I see that my motive for helping have at time been for reasons that could be described as selfish. I never before thought of the desire to be appreciated and held in good esteem to be selfish. Sometimes though when I felt what I was giving to help went unappreciated or unreciprocated I withheld my assistance out of frustration or resentment for not getting what I wanted out of the exchange. Can I really be considered selfish by expecting a to be treated with a certain degree of respect from the people I am putting so much of myself into?

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye


Afloat in a sea of desire, she opened herself to the joys of the flesh


Asked GOD
a reason why.
He answered by
making me an ALTERED BOY

It's all drivel.

Filling myself with falsehoods and lies,
empty is the fullest feeling I've ever embraced.
She embraces me, has all the answers.
there is no doubt when all that remains are truths.
Foolish boy I was giving me a chance because,
I know all thats here to love.
A grimey one way street on the road to nowhere,
frequented by bums and sinners.who would want to live here?
nobody I'd want as for neighbors.
So I understand if they abandon me to look fo greener pastures,
Her long legs looked like trouble
As she sasheyed through the door
And my mind flashed a warning sign
That I chose to ignore
For the prize I thought I could win
The risk seemed mighty small
The bigger the fool the harder the fall

Fell in love in the heat of passion
Oh, but passion has it's price
Under all that beauty
Beat a heart that was made of ice
God knows as far as I could see she didn't have a flaw
But the bigger the fool the harder the fall

I said a woman to keep
The softer the skin
The sweeter the love
The more bitter the end
Well, one lesson I've learned that applies to all
The bigger the fool the harder the fall

One day she was lovin' me
The next day she was gone
And I became another verse
To a lonesome heartbreak song
Now that I've learned to face the truth
A lesson I've learned that applies to all
The bigger the fool the harder the fall
The bigger the fool the harder the fall


She weaves secrets in her hair
The whispers are not hers to share.
She's deep as a well.
She's deep as a well.

Another day wastes away,
And my heart sinks with the sun.
A new day's dawning,
And a new day has not yet begun.

So, anyway,
There I was,
Just sitting on your porch
Drinking in the sweetest decline.
The sweetest decline.

expression of soul

Psychologist Carl Jung believed that all desires have a sacred origin, no matter how odd they may seem. Frustration and ignorance may contort them into distorted caricatures, but it is always possible to locate the divine source from which they arose. In describing one of his addictive patients, Jung said: "His craving for alcohol was the equivalent on a low level of the spiritual thirst for wholeness, or as expressed in medieval language: the union with God."

Therapist James Hillman echoes the theme: "Psychology regards all symptoms to be expressing the right thing in the wrong way." A preoccupation with porn or romance novels, for instance, may come to dominate a passionate person whose quest for love has degenerated into an obsession with images of love. "Follow the lead of your symptoms," Hillman suggests, "for there's usually a myth in the mess, and a mess is an expression of soul."




He's taking it hard she's taking it easy
She's living it up and he's living it down
He's walking the floor looking for answers
She's out on the floor all over town

Ain't that the way that love goes when love goes to pieces
Ain't that the truth when you find out you're living a lie
Ain't love the reason we both took a chance on each other
Ain't it each other we both swore we wanted to try

He's taking it hard she's taking it easy
She's drying her eyes but his are still wet
He wishes he could just hold her until she remembers
She wishes she could find someone to make her forget
He's taking it hard she's taking it easy


In my heartsent my confession my condolence,
You're indefinite you're incompetent inconsiderate.
You're so childish,
I will push you out of what is real out of my head.
You can stick and drown at your residence of dissapointments,
Are of yours to come.
So embrace them oh my shallow one today,
If I could change anything then I would change everything.
These bitter days shall remain.
I don't ask for your forgiveness I don't care much for your actress.
That's just you though shallow and selfish.
So I go now oh my hollow one today.
If I could change anything then I would change everything.
These bitter days shall remain.
So carry your blues behind your eyes,
Don't flatter yourself I will survive.
So carry your blues your own denial.
Your feathers are gone you'll never fly.
If I could change anything,
Then I would wipe the years away.
If I could change anything,
Then I would wipe the years away.
If I could change anything,
Then I would change everything.
These bitter days shall remain.
Since you're gone I'm much better than you.
So carry your blues behind your eyes,
Don't flatter yourself I will survive.
So carry your blues your own denial.
Your feathers are gone you'll never fly.
She'll never fly.


\It appears as though\

\I've made a\

\Very Big Mistake\